Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
