You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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