I just saw a hot homeless man
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
