He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
