Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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