You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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