Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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