Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
