Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
