Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
