He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
