Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
