I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't deserve a penis
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize