If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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