i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't deserve a penis
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
