just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
