Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
