how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
