If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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