I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
