i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
