I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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