You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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