And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
