I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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