If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize