I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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