I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
