I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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