so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's great music for shaving your balls
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
