hotel room ftw
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
