You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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