I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
