Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
