I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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