Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
