you turned your livingroom into a bong?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
