It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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