he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
