i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
