Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
