was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
