she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
