just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
