So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
