Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
