I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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