me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
