Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
