dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
