I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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