Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
