How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
