Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
