Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
