Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
