Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
