Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
