My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
