we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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