Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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