why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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