Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
