i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
