she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
