They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
