I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize