what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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